Some Of The Sexiest Music Videos Of All-Time
I’m old enough to remember back when MTV still aired actual music videos. (Ah, memories!) This was, of course, before MTV became anything BUT an actual music channel and instead shows those godawful “reality” shows like, say, Teen Mom. In fact, the last time I ever watched MTV was when they “rebooted” their old cartoon show Beavis & Butthead. And what was funny about that was that B & B couldn’t watch and make snarky comments on music videos the way they used to do but instead watched-and, of course, make snarky comments on!-”reality” shows such as, say, The Jersey Shore.
Nowadays if you want to watch an actual music video you usually have to watch it on the Vevo channel on YouTube. And music videos today don’t seem to be as, shall we say, sexy as they used to be. I grew up back in the eighties when you didn’t have all the “woke” PC BS like you do nowadays where anything AND everything can be-and, of course, usually is-denounced as-you guessed it!-SEXIST. So, in remembrance of days gone past, I thought I’d put together a list of some of what I feel are the sexiest (sexist?) music videos I’ve ever, uh-hum, watched. Enjoy!
“Lady Marmalade” by Mya, Pink, Christina Aguilera & Lil’ Kim
This is the granddaddy-or is it grandmommy?-of all sexy music videos! This video also came out (pardon the pun!) back when people STILL considered diminutive rapper Lil’ Kim sexy! (Yeah, I know. SEXIST!)
“Telephone” by Lady Gaga (& Beyonce)
Let’s see, there’s prison lesbians, Lady Gaga’s in a skimpy bikini showing off her sweet ass AND her driving around in the Pussy Wagon from that Kill Bill flick. And, oh yeah, there’s Beyonce whom, I admit, I’m NOT the biggest fan of. (Yeah, I know. SEXIST!)
“California Gurls” by Katy Perry
This is one of singer-turned-American-Idol-host Katy Perry earlier hits back before she got all “woke” and shit and started looking like that blond kid from those Home Alone flicks. Anyway, this is the video where Katy shows her naked ass and shoot whipped cream from her ta-tas. They sure don’t do THAT on American Idol!
“Cradle Of Love” by Billy Idol
For the record, I’m NOT listing this video here because I think Billy Idol is “sexy” but rather the brassiere-clad girl in the video. Hope that clears THAT up for everyone!
“Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake
Although Tawny Kitaen jumping around and straddling a bunch of cars while clad in lingerie might seem tame by today’s standards, this video was almost-and I say almost!-like watching porn for me back in the day! (Mainly because people didn’t have the same access to actual porn like they have now!)
“I Touch Myself” by Divinyls
This is, of course, the video to the classic ode to fiddlin’ oneself by rock duo Divinyls led, of course, by the “uber” sexy Christina Amphlett who, sadly, passed away back in April of 2013. (RIP, Christina!)
“Hot For Teacher” by Van Halen
This is what I call the ultimate eighties video from legendary rock group Van Halen back during their heyday with notorious frontman David Lee Roth. I actually got into an “argument” with some “woke” PCer on-where else!-Twitter when this video was “trending” on Twatter for some reason. I tweeted about how there would be no way in “woke” hell a band could get away with putting out a video like THIS today. Said “woke” PCer insisted how that wasn’t true. So I suggested they posted this video on their Twitter page and see what type of “reaction” he’d get. It probably goes without saying he DIDN’T do as I suggested. Go figure!
“Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus
The former Hannah Montana star-and daughter of Billy Ray “Achy Breaky Heart” Cyrus-really showed her stuff-and THEN some!-with this song AND video where she prances around either butt-naked-while straddling a big-ass wrecking ball!-and/or in her skimpy-ass underwear. Miley, probably responding to all the “woke” PC BS that’s out nowadays, has toned down her image since then. (Damnn it!)
“Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)” by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts
Let’s see, in this music video you got the “I Love Rock & Roll” lady Joan Jett wearing a long black trenchcoat flashing viewers and showing off the skimpy black bikini she’s wearing underneath. What MORE could you possibly ask for!
“Hungry” by Lita Ford
This video is from Joan Jett’s former bandmate Lita Ford. Both Joan & Lita used to be members of the legendary jailbait all-girl rock band The Runaways. (And is about the ONLY film starring Kristen “Twilight” Stewart that I actually like!) Oh, and when Lita sings how “hungry” she is, she’s NOT talking about being “hungry” for a club sandwich, if you know what I mean! (And I, of course, believe that you do, you pervs!)
“Erotic” by Madonna
i had a HUGE crush on pop icon Madonna back when she came out (pardon the pun!)in the eighties. This particular video came out (again, pardon the pun!) back in the early-nineties back when The Material Girl dabbled in softcore porno with her notorious “Sex” book that showed, besides a butt-naked Madonna doing things that pop icons-especially female ones!-weren’t supposed to do-at least in public!-back in those days, a butt-naked Vanilla Ice. Yep, the “Ice Ice Baby” guy! (Thankfully, Mr. Ice doesn’t show his lily-white ass in THIS video!)
“I Get Off” by Halestorm
Yet another song and video about the joys of self-pleasuring with a twist (pardon the pun!)! Plus there’s the added bonus of seeing sexy-as-hell Halestorm frontwoman Lzzy Hale singing about such subjects!
“Touch Me (I Want Your Body” by Samantha Fox
Next to Madonna, pop singer Samantha Fox was another female celebrity I had a HUGE crush on back in the eighties. In fact, I had Sam’s nudie posters I had bought at a local record shop (anyone remember those?) plastered (once again, pardon the pun!) all over my bedroom wall when I was a horny virginal teenager! Anyway, this video is probably not the “sexiest” one on this list, but it still holds a special place in my heart (and, of course, other body parts!)!
“Gimme More” by Britney Spears
Now I don’t think you can make a list of the sexiest music videos of all-time without listing at least ONE music video by the one & only Britney Spears. Usually whenever someone lists a “sexy” video by Britney they usually pick “Toxic” or “I’m A Slave 4 U” or even that “Hit Me Baby One More Time” (even though she was reportedly only 17-years-old when she made that video!). But I picked this one for two reasons: This video shows Britney’s sexy ass AND her sexy armpits. (And anyone who’s read my previous pieces on Medium knows how I’m ALL about sexy ladies armpits!)
“These Boots Are Made For Walkin’” by Jessica Simpson
This is the “official” music video for singer and sometime actress Jessica Simpson’s cover for the classic song “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’” originally sung by Frank Sinatra’s little girl Nancy Sinatra. Jessica’s song was also featured in the movie version of the classic TV show Dukes Of Hazzard-which she also starred in-which, of course, came out a few years before the TV show was BANNED off of TV. (You can, of course, Google why the show was taken off TV if you don’t already know, OK? OK!) This video showsJessica dancing around the DOH car in a VERY skimpy bikini. Yee-haw!
“M.I.L.F. $” by Fergie
Crappy song. Sexy video!
“Booty” by Jennifer Lopez (& Iggy Azalea)
This is the type of video where you can just mute the song and, uh-hum, enjoy the video!
“Side To Side” by Ariana Grande (& Nicki Minaj)
This is one of the few newer songs I actually like. And, of course, the video ISN’T bad either! (BTW, Google what “Side To Side” means in the song. I dare YOU!)
“The Damned” by Wendy O. Williams & The Plasmatics
This is without a doubt one of the most infamous music videos of all-time by the late Wendy O. Williams and the punk rock band she fronted off and on for years The Plasmatics. In this video, Wendy-while wearing this skimpy outfit that looks like it’s right out of the Road Warrior!-drives a school bus through three or four stacks of TV sets and jumps off right before the bus explodes and she walks away without a scratch. (Now THAT’S my type of woman!) This video also came with a “warning” and was also featured on the original Beavis & Butthead show on MTV, which, of course, they had to remove after MTV made the show ban any & all references to fire. (Way to go, MTV!)
“If You Can’t Give Me Love” by Suzi Quantro
For the record, I’m listing this video here because, before Madonna and/or Samantha Fox, I had a HUGE crush on singer-and sometime actress-Suzi Quantro when I watched her on the classic TV show Happy Days where she played the sexy tough chick singer Leather Tuscadero. (Plus Suzi shows her sexy armpits a few times in this vid!)
Now I know, given all the “woke” PC BS that’s out nowadays, I’ll no doubt get called SEXIST-along with some OTHER choice words!-for posting this piece. So, therefore, here’s a “sexy” MALE video by “sexy” R & B singer D’Angelo titled “Untitled” where he almost-and I say almost!-shows viewers the FULL monty, if you know what I mean! (And, again, I’m sure that you do, you pervs!)
In any case, like I implied earlier, MTV no longer stands for Music Television and instead stands for, as Twisted Sister frontman Dee Snider once rightfully noted, Melodramtic Teenage Vomit! (Yeah, I know. SEXIST?)
